Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
