he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
