I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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