If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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