and next time when you feel me up, do it right
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
