Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize