in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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