I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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