I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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