k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
