I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Liz is crying about burritos again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
