A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
