Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
