I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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