I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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