i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
