Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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