I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
she smelled like a LAN party
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
