i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
