THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I touched a dick in church today
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