was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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