u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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