You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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