im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He? As in you personified your dick?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
