SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
