the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
