i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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