i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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