she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
