dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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