The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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