I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
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Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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