I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
