Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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