There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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