how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
