Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
