I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
