i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
