Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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