K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
