Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
