The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
