my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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