I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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