I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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