i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You're like the curious george of whores
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
