So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
