i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
