she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
