Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
