i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
