Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
