I am spending my child support on dildos
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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