Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I've blown a few things in my day
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
