I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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