tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
