I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
im having a threesome with these popsicles
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize