I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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