how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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