i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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