Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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