yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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