I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
