He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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