My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
