i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We need a shit load of segways right now
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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