I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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