Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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